


Alone

by MagicalStardust



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Joe is a kind of mean in this, Laura has difficulty believing it's not her fault, Laura's mum is a terrible person, Reformatted as it was difficult to read, The end part could be interpreted as friendship or slash whichever you'd prefer :), but Mia's brilliant, semi angsty one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10954716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalStardust/pseuds/MagicalStardust
Summary: Three scenes from Laura's life, from when she was twelve to after season two.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I wrote this a few months back when I needed to feel angsty but I was kind of hesitant about publishing...but then I got over it because this fandom has so few fanfics about Laura and I decided that I needed to change that.
> 
> So enjoy, I guess :)

**27 years ago...**  
  
Laura looked in horror at her room. Her room that had previously been her sanctuary, ornaments dusting each available surface, pictures of family holidays, the new CD player that her dad had given her a few weeks before he'd died. It was all… gone…

She had passed her mother cautiously on the way through the front room, not liking the look of triumph gleaming malevolently in her eyes.

All thoughts of what could happen if she upset her mother flew from Laura's brain as she raced back down the stairs.

"What have you done to it all!" she yelled in panic.

Her mother looked up cold satisfaction, letting the magazine she was reading fall onto her lap.

"What right do you have to anything?" she demanded vindictively. "When your brother has _nothing_!"

Laura bit her lip, falling back against the wall as he balance failed her. "He's dead because of you, you _killed_ him and you _expect_ to have nice things?"

Laura shook her head and looked down at the floor, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

"I...I..." she breathed shakily.

"Just...get out of my sight," her mother snarled and Laura stumbled back up the stairs.

Throwing herself down on her bed and staring up at the ceiling Laura allowed the tears to flow freely from her eyes. Her mother was right after all, she had killed her brother. He could no longer play with anything that he'd once loved, why should she have anything? She was lucky her mother had left her her bed.

Suddenly the bed felt too soft and comforting and she rolled off onto the floor, wincing and listening as crystal clear panic shot through her mind at the loud bang that had reverberated through the house as she'd landed. It was almost never a good idea to remind her mother of her existence, but she couldn't hear her storming furiously up the stairs so she took that as a good sign. Her mother must have felt sufficiently satisfied that she'd ruined her life enough that day.

Laura inched her way underneath her bed, subconsciously relishing the small space that felt a little bit safer, as if she were somehow protected from her mother's cruelty, her harsh words that cut into her head practically whenever she allowed herself to think. No, not harsh words, _true_ words. She allowed herself to break down completely, for her lost belongings (she would never, ever have the slightest bit of control over her life, not ever) but mostly for her brother. His loss felt like a gaping void inside of her that could never be filled and it seemed that she could almost explode from the guilt that pervaded every part of her.

Her mother was right. It was her fault.

She wished with all her heart that she had done as she was told and had never decided that some boy was more important than her brother. Never mind that she hadn't been expecting her brother to run into the road, she should have listened to her mother.

Maybe then she'd have had a normal family.

Maybe then she'd feel less alone.

 

 **3 years ago...**  
  
Laura stepped through the door and gazed around at the pile of shoes spilling dangerously into the path to the kitchen as Sophie's toys lay scattered on every available surface. A door slammed above her.

That would be Mattie.

She grimaced. She didn't know where she was going wrong. She had tried, she had really tried, not to become like her mother. And yet, Mattie just wouldn't connect with her anymore. She had considered visiting her mother to see if that would give her the answer to her problems, but she shuddered at the thought. She wasn't that desperate. _Yet._

"What's wrong with Matts?" Laura asked Joe, making her way towards the sofa and sitting down beside him.

He gave a long suffering sigh.

"She's been using her computer to learn illegal hacking techniques," he replied grimly as Laura snuggled down into his shoulder.

"Oh God," Laura massaged her temples to get rid of the oncoming headache. "Have you done anything about it?"

"I took away her computer."

Laura stiffened, forgetting to breathe for a second.

"Laur..."

She sat back and looked at him. "Did you have to do that?" she asked after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence.

"What's the problem? I told her she'll get it back in a week," he shrugged. "The punishment fit the crime. Besides," his eyes hardened, "if you wanted to be included in that decision, maybe you should have been home when you'd said you would be."

She sighed. "Joe..."

He got up angrily. "You know Laur, Sophie was really looking forward to you reading with her tonight."

She sighed as she watched him retreat into the kitchen. She hated it when cases overran, hated missing her family, but there wasn't anything she could do about it! Certainly the traffic on the M25 wasn't her problem!

Joe would get over it, she knew, everything would be back to normal by tomorrow morning.

Laura knew she was overreacting. Joe's behaviour was acceptable. Just treating Mattie even slightly like her mother had treated her made her feel ill, especially due to the amount Laura had been thinking of her lately. Not that she ever truly forgot her. Laura had often wondered how she would treat Mattie or Toby if they somehow became responsible for the death of Sophie, but she didn't think she could ever be that cruel, no matter what they did. Having children of her own now had made her rethink her mother's behaviour, about how maybe she had been mistreated. But lingering doubts remained. She had killed her brother after all.

Still, maybe she should think about changing her job, they'd get less money and the mortgage would be an issue, but she'd get to see her family more.

Maybe then she'd feel less alone.

 

**In the present…**

  
Mia sits beside her on the edge of her bed. Laura holds the photo album, open to the page showing Tom proudly presenting his leaf collection, tears gather at the edge of her eyes.

"We could visit his grave if you'd like?" Mia offers, but Laura shakes her head, the memory of the last time she had visited enough of a deterrent to bar her from ever visiting it again. In the early years of university she wanted to visit her brother, she thought it might bring her peace. She was wrong. All it brought was a crushing feeling of guilt trapped with the inescapable voice of her mother, 'your fault,' 'should have died instead,' 'you killed him. You wanted him dead, didn't you? Didn't you?' She's never gone back.

Laura can still hear those words, getting louder every second, and she drops her head into her hands, trying to block them out.

"Tell me about him," Mia says and Laura does. Sometimes her words are wracked with sobs, but at other points they laugh together, over something silly Tom and Laura had done together.

"It's nice that you have these photos to remember him by," Mia smiles as Laura closes the book.

"Yes," Laura agrees without thinking, feeling entirely comfortable in Mia’s presence. "It was lucky I'd hidden it under my mattress or she'd probably have thrown it out with everything else."

Mia freezes. "Everything else?" She questions and Laura realises her mistake.

"I...my brother was dead because of me," she explains tonelessly. "My mother, she thought it was fair that I shouldn't be able to enjoy things either, after all he couldn't and I'd killed him."

"You don't believe that do you?" Mia asks in concern.

Laura looks down at her hands. "I try not to...but I was meant to be watching him."

Mia sighs, struggling on how to word it. "It wasn't your fault Laura, you didn't kill him."

She watches the emotions that flit through Laura's eyes, hope, disbelief, curiosity. "You didn't expect him to run into the road did you? Was it something he'd done before?" Laura shakes her head. "Humans are very similar to machines in that they work of probability. What Tom chose to do was unlikely, and you were 10, children don't generally run into traffic, so to you it wasn’t a possibility. Perhaps, to an adult it would have been. But I don't think your mother believed it would happen either. If she had she would have watched him herself. Also, she should have taught him the dangers of running into the roads, that was her responsibility. It wasn't your fault. I think she couldn't cope that she had any blame in it so shifted it all onto you. It was easier."

Laura remains silent, looking pensive.

"You'd never treat any of your children like that would you?" Mia questions and Laura shakes her head. "Then you know what she did to you was wrong. She had no right to destroy your possessions or say what she did whilst you were growing up."

"Sometimes it's hard to believe," Laura admits and Mia feels a surge or anger towards the woman who had hurt her friend like this. "Joe wasn't very convincing that his death wasn't my fault either."

"What?" Mia doesn't have the greatest respect for the man but she never thought he'd stoop that far.

"He didn't say it outright, but it was...implied." 

"Neither me nor Mattie think it was your fault."

Laura gives her a weak smile.

"I'd like to visit his grave actually...come with me?"

"Of course, Laura."  
  
They sit in front of the grave under the shade of the trees. The evening is warm and a cooling breeze flutters through the leaves of the trees while the birds chirp in the background. It's peaceful, and with Mia beside her Laura can almost drown out the cruel hiss of her mother in the back of her mind. Almost. It refuses to leave her entirely so Laura whispers defiantly:"It was an accident. No one's fault."

Mia slips her hand into Laura's comfortingly.

Maybe, Laura doesn't feel so alone anymore.


End file.
